Good lawyer joke:
Lawyer tells his client, “I have some good news and some bad news.”
“What’s the bad news?” asks the client.
“The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it.”
“What’s the good news?”
“Your cholesterol is 130.”
Amusing tweet:
HER: You look great without glasses
ME: I don’t wear glasses
HER: <putting glasses back on> I do
Boring Accountants:
1. Welcome to the accounting department, where everybody counts.
2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
3. What do you call a trial balance that does not balance? A great night.
4. They say that two things in life are unavoidable: death and taxes. At least death only happens once!
5. There are two steps to creating a successful accounting business: (1) Don’t tell them everything that you know. (2) [redacted]
6. For every tax problem encountered there is a solution that’s straightforward, uncomplicated, and wrong.
7. What do accountants like most about the weekends? They get to wear casual clothes to work!
8. Why do accountants make good lovers? They’re great with figures!
9. Have you heard the one about the fun accountant? Me neither.
10. What’s the difference between lawyers and accountants? Accountants know they’re boring.