Can you believe this?

Here is the UK Companies House list of the most bizarre excuses for late accounts: Goats ate my accounts I found my wife in the bath with my accountant Pirates stole my accounts We delivered the accounts to the betting office next door to Companies House A volcano erupted and prevented me from filing Slugs ate my accounts It was Valentine’s Day My company was more successful than I thought that it would be, so I was too busy to file HMRC top late tax return clunker: “I couldn’t file my return on time as my […]

Universal Laws

If anything can go wrong, it will. Murphy’s Law If you play with anything long enough it will break. Murphy’s Law Is something is adjustable, sooner or later it will need adjusting. Max Frisch Anything you buy will be in the sale next week. Erma Bombeck If it’s good, they’ll stop making it. Herbert Block 90 per cent of anything is crap. Theodore Sturgeon When it comes to foreign food, the less authentic the better. Gerald Nachman When ripping an article from a newspaper, the tear is always into and never away from the required article. […]

A few jokes

Joke: What does an accountant say when boarding a train? ‘Mind the GAAP’. Joke: Why was the accountant in rehab? Solvency abuse. Joke: What’s an accountant’s favourite book? 50 Shades of Grey. Joke: What’s grey and not there? An accountant on vacation. Joke : Have you heard the joke about the interesting accountant? No. Me neither. Joke: What did the accountant do to liven up the office party? Not show up. Joke: “Doctor, doctor, I’ve taken the medicine you prescribed but it’s not working. What should I do?” “Try using your calculator.” “How will that help?” “I’m not sure, but it’s something you […]

Diary of a Demented Snow Shoveller

Now that winter is coming you might enjoy the following that a college friend living in Pennsylyvania recently sent me on a snow experience!! December 8 6:00PM It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow! December 9 We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be […]

Accountancy Jokes – November

JOKE 1 A Cork accountant dies and goes to Heaven. He is met by St Peter who goes through the usual questionnaire. “What sort of accountant are you?” says St Peter “I work in private practice,” is the reply. “Name?” He gives his name. St Peter goes through some files and pulls one out. “Oh, yes. We’ve been expecting you. You’ve reached your allotted span,” says St Peter. “How can that be?” says the accountant. “I’m too young to go. I’m only forty-eight” “No, that’s impossible.” “Why do you say that?” “Well we’ve been looking at […]

A Few More Jokes

Joke 1 A Martian lands to plunder, pillage and burn in Cork City. He goes up to the owner of the first house he sees and says, “I’m a Martian just arrived from the other side of the galaxy. We’re here to destroy your civilisation, pillage and burn. What do you think about that?” The owner replies, “I don’t have an opinion. I’m a chartered accountant. Joke 2 A Cork accountant is talking to the young child of one of his friends and says, “Do you know what I do?’ “Daddy says you’re a CPA.” “That’s […]

A few Jokes August Newsletter

Joke 1 An Arthur Anderson partner comes back to his office and says to his manager, “Did you get my mobile message where I said, ‘Ship the Enron documents to the Feds’?” The manager goes white. “Oh My God! I thought you said rip the Enron documents to shreds.” Joke 2 An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. “Doctor, I just can’t get to sleep at night.” “Have you tried counting sheep?” “That’s the problem – I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it.” […]