| If anything can go wrong, it will. | Murphy’s Law |
| If you play with anything long enough it will break. | Murphy’s Law |
| Is something is adjustable, sooner or later it will need adjusting. | Max Frisch |
| Anything you buy will be in the sale next week. | Erma Bombeck |
| If it’s good, they’ll stop making it. | Herbert Block |
| 90 per cent of anything is crap. | Theodore Sturgeon |
| When it comes to foreign food, the less authentic the better. | Gerald Nachman |
| When ripping an article from a newspaper, the tear is always into and never away from the required article. | Alan Fraser |
| When you give a child a hammer, everything becomes a nail. | Leo Kaplan |
| When a man says his word is as good as his bond, always take his bond. | Hugo Vickers |
| Every household has a box of odd keys. None of them will ever be found to fit any lock. | Pam Brown |
| Preudhomme’s Law of Window Cleaning: it’s on the other side. | Winston Preudhomme |
| Everything tastes more or less like chicken. | Paul Dickson |
| However much a shower control may rotate, the degree of rotation required to change from ice-cold to scalding is never more than one millimetre. | Joe Bennett |
| More always means worse. | Jed Larson |
| Once you start buying first-aid kits you start having accidents. | George Mikes |
| The first piece of luggage on the airport carousel never belongs to anyone. | George Roberts |
| Every decision you make is a mistake. | Edward Dahlberg |
| The less one has to do, the less time one finds to do it in. | Lord Chesterfield |
| Gunter’s Second Law of Air Travel: the strength of the turbulence is directly proportional to the temperature of the coffee. | Nicholas Gunter |
| Any tool drooped while repairing a car will roll beneath the vehicle to its exact centre. | Murphy’s Law |
| There are no exceptions to the rule that everybody likes to be an exception to the rule. | William F. Buckley |
| No matter how many good tables are free, you will always be given the worst available. | Jonathan Yardley |
| Hofstadler’s Law: it always takes longer than you expect, even when
you take Hofstadler’s Law into account. |
Hofstadler
|
| At bank, post office or supermarket, there is one universal law which you ignore at your own peril: the shortest line moves the slowest. | Bill Vaughan |
| Wood burns faster when you have cut and chopped it yourself. | Harrison Ford |
| Nothing is so simple it cannot be misunderstood. | Albert Einstein |
| Two wrongs don’t make a right, but they make a good excuse. | Thomas Szasz |
| The easiest way to find something you have lost is to buy a replacement. | Rosenbaum’s Law |
| Anyone who says he isn’t going to resign four times, definitely will. | J.K. Galbraith |
| 87 per cent of all people in all professions are incompetent. | John Gardner |
| A shortcut is the longest distance between two points. | Charles Issawi |
| When your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly content and adorable you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom. | Anon |
| When all else fails, read the instructions. | Anon |
| When all else fails, and the instructions are missing – kick it. | Anon |
| It works better if you plug it in. | Sattinger’s Law |