Universal Laws

If anything can go wrong, it will. Murphy’s Law
If you play with anything long enough it will break. Murphy’s Law
Is something is adjustable, sooner or later it will need adjusting. Max Frisch
Anything you buy will be in the sale next week. Erma Bombeck
If it’s good, they’ll stop making it. Herbert Block
90 per cent of anything is crap. Theodore Sturgeon
When it comes to foreign food, the less authentic the better. Gerald Nachman
When ripping an article from a newspaper, the tear is always into and never away from the required article. Alan Fraser
When you give a child a hammer, everything becomes a nail. Leo Kaplan
When a man says his word is as good as his bond, always take his bond. Hugo Vickers
Every household has a box of odd keys. None of them will ever be found to fit any lock. Pam Brown
Preudhomme’s Law of Window Cleaning: it’s on the other side. Winston Preudhomme
Everything tastes more or less like chicken. Paul Dickson
However much a shower control may rotate, the degree of rotation required to change from ice-cold to scalding is never more than one millimetre. Joe Bennett
More always means worse. Jed Larson
Once you start buying first-aid kits you start having accidents. George Mikes
The first piece of luggage on the airport carousel never belongs to anyone. George Roberts
Every decision you make is a mistake. Edward Dahlberg
The less one has to do, the less time one finds to do it in. Lord Chesterfield
Gunter’s Second Law of Air Travel: the strength of the turbulence is directly proportional to the temperature of the coffee. Nicholas Gunter
Any tool drooped while repairing a car will roll beneath the vehicle to its exact centre. Murphy’s Law
There are no exceptions to the rule that everybody likes to be an exception to the rule. William F. Buckley
No matter how many good tables are free, you will always be given the worst available. Jonathan Yardley
Hofstadler’s Law: it always takes longer than you expect, even when

you take Hofstadler’s Law into account.



At bank, post office or supermarket, there is one universal law which you ignore at your own peril: the shortest line moves the slowest. Bill Vaughan
Wood burns faster when you have cut and chopped it yourself. Harrison Ford
Nothing is so simple it cannot be misunderstood. Albert Einstein
Two wrongs don’t make a right, but they make a good excuse. Thomas Szasz
The easiest way to find something you have lost is to buy a replacement. Rosenbaum’s Law
Anyone who says he isn’t going to resign four times, definitely will. J.K. Galbraith
87 per cent of all people in all professions are incompetent. John Gardner
A shortcut is the longest distance between two points. Charles Issawi
When your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly content and adorable you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom. Anon
When all else fails, read the instructions. Anon
When all else fails, and the instructions are missing – kick it. Anon
It works better if you plug it in. Sattinger’s Law


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