An Arthur Anderson partner comes back to his office and says to his manager, “Did you get my mobile message where I said, ‘Ship the Enron documents to the Feds’?”
The manager goes white. “Oh My God! I thought you said rip the Enron documents to shreds.”
An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.
“Doctor, I just can’t get to sleep at night.”
“Have you tried counting sheep?”
“That’s the problem – I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it.”
A fellow is walking into a hospital and sees two doctors down on their hands and knees in one of the flower beds.
He goes over and says, “Can I help? Have you lost something?”
“No,” says one of the doctors. “We’re about to do a heart transplant on an accountant and we’re looking for a suitable stone.”
Wife to husband as they watch their young son playing:
“He’s such a sensitive child. Let’s wait until he’s older before we tell him you’re an accountant.”
Conversation between two accountants at a party:
An accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening. It reads:
This week I turned 54. I am going away for the weekend. I will be staying at the Hilton with my gorgeous, sexy, 18-year-old secretary.”
When he arrives at the hotel there is a letter waiting for him. It is from his wife. It reads:
I too am 54. I too am going away for the weekend. I will be staying at the Sheraton with my handsome and virile 18-year-old toy boy. You’re an accountant. You’ll appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18.”